Kate Mathias
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How my life changed in one moment...

11/16/2012

30 Comments

 
           “You have a mass on your right frontal lobe.  We aren’t sure what caused it yet or determined what it is.  We will need to run more tests to find out more.”

            I wish that this was a scene from my book that I am writing but these are the words that changed my life just three short weeks ago.  That afternoon was a typical day in my life.  My husband was out of town on business, and I went to get the results of my MRI having had a daily headache for over a month.

            I drove home silently sobbing to myself as I reflected on my life and what these results could mean.  I mindlessly pushed through helping with the children’s homework, made dinner, gave baths, and fell asleep that night with my daughter nestled in my arms.

            After a second MRI with contrast they determined that the mass was caused by a small stroke and wasn’t a tumor.  This was great news (the no tumor part) but I had highly elevated inflammation in my blood vessels.  Over the next few weeks I had multiple blood tests run and had visits with a cardiologist, neurologist, and rheumatologist.

            At first my reaction was to joke about the mass because clearly it was responsible for some of my Words with Friends losses.  I posted the silly things my kids said or did on Facebook.  But as the pain in my head began to get worse and I could no longer get out of bed to take care of my children or anything else, I started to slip into a darkness I have never experienced before.

            Some days the pain in my head was so blinding that it gave me double vision, made me sick and dizzy.  My hands started to shake and had periods of numbness.  Since one of my passions in life is to write and I was no longer able to do so, I quickly switched to feelings of anger and frustration.  I dropped completely off of Facebook because suddenly there were more important things I needed to focus on—like getting better for my children.

            I wasn’t getting enough oxygen to my brain so I was having trouble finding the words that I wanted to say and would forget what I was saying in the middle of my sentence. 

I am still working on getting healthy.  It’s a daily struggle but I will not give up until I do.

            Life is full of moments--moments of joy, love, laughter, pain, despair, desperation, and frustration.  I have been partners with each of these moments in the last few weeks.  With Thanksgiving next week I wanted to take time to let you know how that one moment in the doctor’s office changed my life and will continue to change all of my upcoming moments.

            I will never be too busy cleaning the house to play with my children.  I will always take time to tell people what they mean to me.  I will continue to feel blessed with my family and friends who have held my hand through all of this even though we may be miles apart.  I will be grateful for each day that I open my eyes and be surrounded by the people I love the most.  I will cherish ALL of life’s moments.  May your moments be blessed—blessed with whatever pleases you the most.

30 Comments
Sue Boyle
11/16/2012 12:33:54 am

Oh,Kate, I'm sorry for this trial... thankful that you are finding answers and help, and praying for you as you walk through this journey....

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Kate Mathias
11/16/2012 06:47:01 am

Thank you so much, Sue. I really appreciate your kind words and prayers! <3

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Mandy Parton
11/16/2012 12:44:56 am

I'm so sorry to hear of your pain Kate! Wishing you the best and praying for your comfort and healing. Thinking of you....

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Kate Mathias
11/16/2012 06:50:33 am

Thank you, Mandy. I am just ready to wake up in the morning without a headache and feeling dizzy. Thank you for your prayers. I know that they help!! <3

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Melissa Brown
11/16/2012 12:54:03 am

Kate, I'm so, so sorry to hear this. I will be praying for you and your family!!

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Kate Mathias
11/16/2012 06:58:16 am

Thank you so much, Melissa! I know that prayers help. So many prayers are being said that I know that He has to help. I just need some answers and treatment for my pain. I appreciate you! <3

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Wendy Crites
11/16/2012 12:59:57 am

Wow, chick! I'm glad you have answers and that it's not a tumor! Take care of yourself and let us know if there's anything we can do to help out!

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Kate Mathias
11/16/2012 07:00:47 am

Thank you, Wendy! I will let you know if I can think of anything for you to help. My mom is here and that is wonderful. Thank you for thinking of me. <3

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Natalie Wilson
11/16/2012 02:20:16 am

Kate,
So sorry to hear of this news and wishing you a full recovery. Ironically, I am also going through quite a health ordeal right now and am in the hospital as we speak, so your story hits home for me right now. I have been to that dark place you mentioned above and just wanted to give you my support and send you strength and patience to get through the road ahead. Thinking about you...

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Kate Mathias
11/16/2012 07:04:45 am

Natalie,

My mom was telling me about you. I am so sorry to hear that you are going thru all of this. I will pray for you and your family. I am sure that your kiddos don't understand. That is what is the hardest part about all of this...my kids don't understand why I can't do what I normally do. I will bring my flashlight if ever we meet again in that dark place. We can light it up and make sure that neither of us feel alone! Be strong and wishing you good health and answers soon! <3

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Elise Reiser
11/16/2012 02:50:55 am

Kate - how scary!! You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. HUGS!!

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Kate Mathias
11/16/2012 07:05:55 am

Thank you, Elise! Your thoughts and support are so appreciated! You know that I have the best kids. They are my constant drive to get better. <3

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shelly
11/16/2012 03:11:51 am

As you know, I'm always here for you <3 love you to pieces xxxx

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Kate Mathias
11/16/2012 07:07:20 am

You are always there for me and have been my constant support. You know I love ya, sweetness! <3

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Nancy Yoes
11/16/2012 03:51:43 am

Kate-

I can't imagine how scary this must be for you. I will keep you.in prayer. I don't know what you're beliefs are, but I know that God will help you through this. Prayer, family, and friends are the best medicine to

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Kate Mathias
11/16/2012 07:09:19 am

Thank you, Nancy! I know that your prayers help and I will take as many as you can give. I have the best family and friends anyone could ask for. They give me strength!! <3

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Peggy Ward
11/16/2012 05:52:10 am

Oh Katie, I am so sorry to hear this news and very glad that you are doing better. Wish I lived closer so that I could be of help to you. Take care of yourself! Moni read your first novel and sent me this link. We are thinking of you and praying for you. Take care! Peg

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Kate Mathias
11/16/2012 07:11:16 am

Thank you, Peg! Mom flew out to help and has been amazing! My husband has been my rock and took over everything that I couldn't do. It is all so scary and I pray that answers will be found soon. I am ready to wake up one day and not be in pain. Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I appreciate you! <3

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Kelli McClurg
11/16/2012 07:24:31 am

I hope you are feeling better soon. You helped remind me what is really important in life. Take care.

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Kate
11/17/2012 04:41:21 am

Thank you so much, Kelli! I just wanted to help people to remember what is truly important in life. Take good care of your beautiful family!

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Joan Maxwell
11/16/2012 08:20:15 am

I am hoping for better news and recovery! It is amazing what the human body can do and what we need to be reminded of in our own lives every once in a while!
Love, Joan

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Kate
11/17/2012 04:43:02 am

Thank you so much, Joan! I am just hoping to get answers soon and for relief from the pain. I am getting a little better every day. Love to you and your family!

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Fred LeBaron
11/16/2012 11:29:53 am

Kate, I have missed you, but had no idea what was happening. I know that your spirit is a bright and unquenchable one, and I pray that you will come through this soon. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, thanks so much for letting us all know what is going on with you!

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Kate
11/17/2012 04:45:29 am

Fred, your constant support and encouragement is so appreciated. Thank you for your kind words and prayers. I am hopeful that I will get answers soon. Take good care!

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Melissa Andrea
11/16/2012 03:21:58 pm

I know we've only spoken a few times, but I'm sending you lots of love and support your way. We're neighbors, so if you ever need anything, I would be happy to help! I hope you get some answers soon!

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Patti Zillig
11/16/2012 03:43:55 pm

Dear Kate, I am so sorry for all of the pain you are enduring, I wish this would just magically disappear. Words cannot express how much I am feeling for you. You are a great mom and a beautiful person, the Lord does not let people like you go..I know the DR's will make you better. I know this is very scary, but you must have faith and hope, and it will all be fine. We will all be praying for you, all of your family, Love, Patti .

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Kate
11/17/2012 04:50:17 am

Thank you, Patti! My family has been wonderful helping with the kids when I couldn't. My mom has been here for over a week and when she leaves, Mike and Suzi come. I am hanging in there. Thank you for your prayers. I know that they help! Love to you and your family!

Kate
11/17/2012 04:47:36 am

Thank you so much, Melissa! I greatly appreciate your support and kind words. I am hopeful for answers to come soon. Thank you for reaching out! <3

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Dawn Picken link
11/16/2012 04:34:16 pm

Kate,
I'm so sorry to hear about this. Life (as you mention, and as Joan Didion wrote), "changes in the instant." And that sucks. And while recovery doesn't happen in the instant, it can and does happen. So do miracles. And they won't look the way you might expect. You ARE a gifted writer. I wish you didn't have so much non-fiction to work with.

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Kate
11/17/2012 04:53:23 am

Thank you, Dawn. It is always a good reminder that miracles do happen but sometimes not in the way we expect. I remain hopeful that I have not been dealt more than I can handle and that answers will present themselves soon. Thank you for all of your love and support. Please take good care of you and your family!

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    Author

    I am a mother of three and  live in Phoenix.  When I am not driving my children around to all of their activities or stuffing my face with all things chocolate, I can be found writing.  

    My fourth book will be available in a few weeks.  Awake, but Still Dreaming is my journey about overcoming a brain tumor.  A portion of the proceeds will be given to National Brain Tumor Society to help with research to find a cure.

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