I wish that this was a scene from my book that I am writing but these are the words that changed my life just three short weeks ago. That afternoon was a typical day in my life. My husband was out of town on business, and I went to get the results of my MRI having had a daily headache for over a month.
I drove home silently sobbing to myself as I reflected on my life and what these results could mean. I mindlessly pushed through helping with the children’s homework, made dinner, gave baths, and fell asleep that night with my daughter nestled in my arms.
After a second MRI with contrast they determined that the mass was caused by a small stroke and wasn’t a tumor. This was great news (the no tumor part) but I had highly elevated inflammation in my blood vessels. Over the next few weeks I had multiple blood tests run and had visits with a cardiologist, neurologist, and rheumatologist.
At first my reaction was to joke about the mass because clearly it was responsible for some of my Words with Friends losses. I posted the silly things my kids said or did on Facebook. But as the pain in my head began to get worse and I could no longer get out of bed to take care of my children or anything else, I started to slip into a darkness I have never experienced before.
Some days the pain in my head was so blinding that it gave me double vision, made me sick and dizzy. My hands started to shake and had periods of numbness. Since one of my passions in life is to write and I was no longer able to do so, I quickly switched to feelings of anger and frustration. I dropped completely off of Facebook because suddenly there were more important things I needed to focus on—like getting better for my children.
I wasn’t getting enough oxygen to my brain so I was having trouble finding the words that I wanted to say and would forget what I was saying in the middle of my sentence.
I am still working on getting healthy. It’s a daily struggle but I will not give up until I do.
Life is full of moments--moments of joy, love, laughter, pain, despair, desperation, and frustration. I have been partners with each of these moments in the last few weeks. With Thanksgiving next week I wanted to take time to let you know how that one moment in the doctor’s office changed my life and will continue to change all of my upcoming moments.
I will never be too busy cleaning the house to play with my children. I will always take time to tell people what they mean to me. I will continue to feel blessed with my family and friends who have held my hand through all of this even though we may be miles apart. I will be grateful for each day that I open my eyes and be surrounded by the people I love the most. I will cherish ALL of life’s moments. May your moments be blessed—blessed with whatever pleases you the most.